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Get Off My Screen Dork, I’m Trying To Play Star Wars: Zero Company
I really, really like Star Wars: Zero Company. EA didn't send us a code until the day before launch, so I'm playing it now and will have a review up soon. But so far, as I reach the end, I'm loving its XCOM -like tactical action and relationship management. However, I need to address something: I can't stand Ovissians and their big Muppet-looking heads. And sadly for me, these dumbos are everywhere in Zero Company.
Ovissians first appeared in 2019's Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. (Technically, they first showed up in a book, but their first on-screen appearance was in Episode 9. ) The first Ovissian we meet is Boolio, an informant to the Resistance who later gets his big head chopped off for betraying the First Order. I remember seeing Boolio, voiced by Mark Hamill , in Rise of Skywalker and thinking, "Ohh…no."
There's just something about Boolio and other Ovissians that looks out of place. I think it's the combo of their big mouths and multiple face horns. The big mouth just makes it look like they're being operated by a puppeteer's hand whenever they chat. And the horns seem too big for the face, and I'm not sure they needed both ear horns and chin horns. I just can't look at these bozos and take them seriously as part of this universe.
I don't like Ovissians any time they pop up in Star Wars. And thankfully, they don't factor too prominently into most Star War s media post -Rise of Skywalker . But sadly, Star Wars: Zero Company is the exception. Ovissians are one of the most prominent types of aliens in the game. You can even make your main character an Ovissian if you want to watch a weird Muppet bumble around each mission and cutscene.
I have a few of these dorks in my company, and any time I walk around my base, I can't help but roll my eyes and shake my head each time I pass them. At one point, I had three of them in one room, and it felt like I was in a Jim Henson production of Star Wars. I can't stand these aliens. I'd rather have some Gungans walking around my base. It's hard to enjoy my tactical Star Wars game about a ragtag bunch of criminals and mercs mustering limited resources to fight against a big evil threat when every few minutes I see this on my screen:
And before someone suggests I'm just some old cranky fan who only likes the original trilogy aliens, let me stop you there. I like plenty of new alien designs featured in the Disney era of Star Wars , including the wild and weird-looking Tognath and the amphibian Abednedo . Fun fact: Most members of the Abednedo species are named after Beastie Boys songs. Star Wars is dumb, and I love it!
Anyway, I'm happy I was finally able to get this off my chest. I've not really had an opportunity at Kotaku to dunk on these dweebs and their mutated Kermit heads before Zero Company, and I doubt I'll get another chance in the future. So consider this me going on the record to say: Ovissians are dumb. Thank you.
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