Boy Uses Offensive Term for Disabled Toddler, Dad's Response Says It All

0 Share Newsweek is a Trust Project member See more of our trusted coverage when you search. Prefer Newsweek on Google to see more of our trusted coverage when you search. The father of a disabled toddler has revealed how he turned a child’s offensive question into a teaching moment, and now he implores other parents to do the same.

While Chris Herring, 33, of Forest, Virginia, was out with his son Oliver Herring, 16 months, a young boy approached them, curious about the toddler’s condition. The boy, who Chris estimates to be around 10 years old, asked if Oliver is “retarded,” a word which holds deeply offensive connotations.

Oliver was diagnosed with ReNU Syndrome, defined by the National Institutes of Health as an autosomal dominant neurodevelopmental disorder that causes severe developmental delays. It can also lead to microcephaly, speech delays, seizures, poor growth, epilepsy, hip dysplasia and osteoporosis.

The condition impacts Oliver’s brain development significantly, as Chris told Newsweek that he reaches what they call “inchstones” (instead of milestones) at “his own unique timeline.” Although Oliver is non-verbal, Chris and his wife Hannah have found additional ways to communicate with him, and they remain hopeful that he will manage to walk one day.

“He also manages physical challenges, like low muscle tone and feeding difficulties, and we closely monitor and medicate him for seizures,” Chris said. “While he requires significant, lifelong support and therapies, Oliver is constantly working hard. Our goal is to help him maximize his independence, stay comfortable, and enjoy a high quality of life.”

During a recent outing, a boy approached Chris and asked if Oliver was “retarded,” an offensive slur meaning that someone is slow or delayed. Chris could have gotten upset, but instead, he chose to turn this into a teaching moment for the boy.

Indeed, Chris explained to the child that Oliver may look, sound and think differently to others, but he is still “the toughest little guy.” Chris also encouraged the boy to use a different word next time.

Chris continued: “If people only knew how heartbroken my wife and I have been over Oliver and his diagnosis, they'd realize that questions like these just cut deeper.

“I told the child that Oliver never gives up, he works hard to learn new things, and brings joy to everyone he's around. I don't think this kid was trying to be rude. But it's still sad getting asked that question because it reaffirms the reality that my son looks different and people notice,” he said.

Following this experience, Chris took to social media (@theothersidemed on Instagram) to discuss his handling of the situation. He encourages other parents to always be respectful and to have open conversations with their children about people who are different. There is nothing wrong with asking about disabilities , but it should be approached in a sensitive manner.

Chris also hopes to educate people on ReNU Syndrome, which is still so new and underdiagnosed. As a result, he urges other parents who may be concerned to ask for whole-genome sequencing (as the condition is found in the non-coding region of DNA).

“I think kids need grace, positive examples and to be able to ask hard questions when they come across someone like Oliver,” Chris told Newsweek . “Most kids aren't really exposed to disability so they're curious. If parents care about inclusivity, they can't shelter their kids away from neurotypical kids all the time. There must be some willingness to encourage others to say hello, ask questions and wave.

“Disability is not a death sentence nor is it contagious. Yes, our lives will never be the same, but Oliver’s diagnosis does not define his potential. His life has immense value and purpose, even if it looks vastly different. Just because someone looks, sounds or acts different doesn't mean you have to be scared of them.”

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Contact Newsweek editors on this story: Gray R. Thomas