He draws on skills like reading people and staying true to himself.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jason Stacy , author of " The Pressure Code: How Elite Performers Align their Energy, Emotions, and Environment. " It has been edited for length and clarity.
My dad died in my arms when I was 11. He had been in a motorcycle accident and was home, recovering. I heard my mom yell for me, and I tried to keep my dad breathing, but he stopped. We later learned it was a blood clot that killed him.
From there, my life became about surviving, minute by minute. My mom was really struggling, understandably. She was caring for my two younger siblings, and in my young mind, I thought her life would be easier if I weren't there. I started staying away and was largely homeless from 12 to 15.
Without getting into all the gory details, those years were extremely violent and difficult. The things I've learned have shaped my life and have helped me become a father and coach .
I was true to myself
I was around plenty of drugs on the streets, but I never did them. That often led to fights — people didn't trust me if I was around drug use, but not indulging. I was hit, and worse, for not doing drugs .
And yet, I had a core belief that I needed to stay true to my values, regardless of the cost to me. I was in a bad situation, but when I stuck to my values, I could maintain the belief that I didn't belong there. I figured out how to get out of that awful life because I didn't compromise on my beliefs.
I learned how important the people around you are
To survive, I had to know how to read a room and understand the intentions of the people around me. That helped me avoid some bad situations and make the most of good ones.
Aryna Sabalenka's coach talks about resilience and how sports help. Courtesy of Jason Stacy
My life started to change when I went to a dojo (a martial arts center). There I met a family who has become my adoptive family . At the time, I just knew I needed to be around them and their genuine, good intentions.
This is something I help Aryna Sabalenka with today. Professional athletes have many people around them who influence them in various ways. I guide Aryna to be aware of what she needs in the moment and to surround herself with people who can help her get into the right mindset .
Small steps add up
There's no one moment when I knew I was going to be OK. Instead, I took small steps to change my environment. One was when I went to the dojo; another was when I met that family, and started spending time at their house; another was when I became a massage therapist, then sports trainer.
By consistently showing up and staying true to who I am and what I do, I changed my life. It's a lesson I've talked to Aryna and my own four children about. Small consistencies can lead to big change.
I want others to learn these lessons, without the trauma
Loyalty is a cornerstone of my life as a father and coach. Above all else, it's important to remain loyal to who you are. If you can do that, you can deal with any challenge that life throws at you, in sports, relationships, or business.
So much of what I've learned has come through adversity. I aim to help my children and clients develop resilience and awareness through experience and exposure, rather than through trauma like I had to. Sports are a great way to do that.
My 15-year-old self wouldn't be surprised that I've created a successful life — but he would be proud. Being aligned with who I am has served me well then and continues to pay off. I believe that's true for everyone.
AIPROPX is an independent multi-source news index — we track, compare, and connect coverage from across the web into one place you won't find anywhere else.
