RESOLVING THE LEDGER
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Last week on Star Trek: Strange New Worlds , we had a horror tale; this week, we have a wacky, silly episode that runs like The Hangover . Apparently they’re hitting all the big genres this year. What will we get next week? A western? A cartoon? And when is that puppet episode coming?
Season four , episode three, “Human Best Friend,” opens with voice-over from both Ortegas and Scotty, essentially talking about how much they dislike each other. But in a way that seems kind of “professional”—you know, “I don’t want to complain,” that type of thing.
In fact, Pike has noticed that everyone seems a little bit stressed, a bit on edge. So he announces that alpha ship is taking shore leave. He plays a video for a resort called the Cesnar Grand. It is a tech-free zone, and there is an “intoxicating atmosphere” that kicks in on the planet, allowing each patron to experience the resort differently. Uhura and Scotty are both worried about work, but Chapel and Ortegas are certainly not. They have negotiations scheduled with the Rodaxians to help negotiate a civil war on their planet, but that’s not for two weeks. They can go enjoy a vacation, come back, and still have a week to prepare for the negotiations.
The shuttle heads down to the planet, though not without some backseat driving from Scotty, which drives Ortegas crazy. The atmospheric drug starts kicking in before they even land. It’s like they’re tripping: wacky colors and distorted camera angles.
When we come back, Ortegas wakes and finds the room trashed. This is where we learn (well, when I figured out) we are in for The Hangover action. There is a tribble crawling around, and Scotty is in an outfit that looks suspiciously like a mugato costume. Neither remembers anything after the landing of the shuttle. Before they have time to figure anything out, Dendru (Dave Foley), the “cruise director” of the retreat, shows up to deliver a message for Pike. He’s not in his room, so Ortegas is asked to find him and deliver the envelope (remember: no tech). And because Scotty is somehow drunk, but Ortegas is not inebriated in any way, she takes him with her because he can’t be trusted on his own. Ortegas has no idea what happened, why Scotty was in a costume (which he has since taken off), or how she broke her arm (it’s in a cast, and she has no recollection of what happened). She plans on dumping him with Pike when they find him.
They show up at Spock’s room, looking for Pike. Spock has no clue where Pike is, and insists he is drunk. Other than talking a lot, and claiming he is hallucinating seeing Kirk with him, he doesn’t seem to be inebriated. Spock sends Ortegas and Scotty to check out Uhura’s room. Once they leave, Kirk shows up and gets a hug from Spock. Perhaps this is because of the mind-meld they did last season …?
On to Uhura’s room. She is stoned, wearing a sparkly outfit, and seems to be partying her ass off. Ortegas is still looking for Pike; Uhura has no idea where he might be. She refuses to take Scotty on, because it’s not part of her “journey” or something, and sends them off—but tells them to return with cookies.
Ortegas finds that Scotty has run off. She finds him in the bar, where, even more shockingly, Number One is singing karaoke. “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” In Vulcan. And she is signed up to sing 15 more Vulcan power ballads. It’s pretty much the greatest scene ever.
Sitting at the bar, Ortegas and Scotty find Dr. M’Benga… tending bar. He is loving it. He is finally doing something with his hands that he enjoys—something with far fewer lives at stake. Unlike the others, he actually knows where Pike is.
Next stop: the tattoo parlor, where Ortegas and Scotty find Pike getting his arm inked up. He doesn’t care about the note; he wants to know what they think of him getting his face inked. Pike takes the note and says they should get them for the ship—it will drive Uhura crazy. The note says the Rodaxian diplomats are coming to the Enterprise in the next two hours. Not in two weeks— two hours . That’s not good. Ortegas panics, wondering what they should do. Pike tells them to get the shuttle and he will have everyone rounded up by then. Ortegas tries to leave Scotty there, but Pike “likes seeing them have fun together,” so off Scotty goes with Ortegas.
Ortegas is the only one not inebriated, something I still don’t understand—how is she the only one unaffected by this drug in the air? If it can even get Spock messed up… Dendru mentioned something about the “fine print” and the “micro-fine print” which I guess means “Don’t worry about it; it’s more fun if you don’t ask questions.” Okay, I can do that.
Ortegas and Scotty have to get the shuttle. But someone moved it, and the woman who runs the valet says she gave the chip to Scotty a few hours ago. Ortegas is full-on pissed at Scotty for losing the shuttle. Scotty suggests using a tricorder to locate it, and only he and Uhura smuggled them in. But Scotty left his on the shuttle.
So, back to Uhura. She says that she won’t turn it over to them unless they clear their energy. That’s their journey. They make crappy apologies to one another, and she turns over the tricorder. Scotty takes it and looks at it, he can see the shuttle through the hotel security system. He then throws it to Ortegas. Without looking. Which means instead of throwing it to her, he throws it over to the side, which sends it over the railing to the first floor, where it crashes to the ground and breaks.
The security network has a hub in the central office. Ortegas figures out they need to hack into the computer to locate their shuttle. But Scotty is way too inebriated to be successful at hacking. So they go to the one person who isn’t messed up: Spock. Or, at least, not messed up in the same sense as Scotty.
Spock is worried that he is too inebriated to help. Ortegas assures him he is not. They arrive at the central office, but find no computer. There is a plant. Spock thinks he can telepathically...
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