I can't find a job at 57. I'm fighting feelings of humiliation and panic. — Business Insider

RESOLVING THE LEDGER

I can't find a job at 57. I'm fighting feelings of humiliation and panic. — Business Insider | AIPROPX

Gregory Brooks (not pictured) thinks his age could be helping and hurting his job search. Tatiana Maksimova/Getty Images

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Gregory Brooks, a 57-year-old based in Rochester, New York. It's been edited for length and clarity.

After reluctantly resigning from my technology services job at a community college in May, I was terrified to be out of work .

I'm not a young guy anymore. Starting over at 57 feels like a mix of humiliation and frustration — and it feels harder than when I was younger. I think for the most part, young professionals are more willing to work late, sacrifice work-life balance, and hustle to climb the corporate ladder. I'm not looking to build my career the way I did as a 20-something hustling to finish my Ph.D.

I want to do my job well, but I'm not that young adult running around all excited trying to impress everybody.

I worked with a lot of older students at the community college who expressed feeling inadequate , being surrounded by younger students who were academically ahead of them. I'm fighting those same feelings, but I've been through unemployment before, and I know how to get through.

In Still in the Game , Business Insider is chronicling the realities of job hunting in your 50s — from overcoming age bias and navigating career transitions to rebuilding confidence, updating skills, and finding new opportunities in a competitive job market. Read more stories here , and share your own experience here .

I've been mass applying out of a sense of panic

I was panicked to be out of work because the jobs I've had in the past have been local, and I haven't found many opportunities in Rochester. I figured I might need to apply to jobs that require travel, which isn't ideal. I'm getting to a point where I really like getting home every night to my wife and dog.

Gregory Brooks started searching for a new job earlier this year. Courtesy of Greg Brooks

I thankfully earned a Project Management Professional (PMP) certification while in my last role, which is kind of an ace in my pocket. It's something I've been leaning into heavily while searching for IT and project management roles.

I've been applying to jobs on LinkedIn and Indeed , reaching out to friends for leads, and contacting local IT recruiters. To some extent, I've been mass-applying out of panic and desperation, but I've been trying to refine my search a bit more.

I've made it a goal to do some sort of job searching and connection-making each day, and taking each step as the little win that it is.

The rejections have taken a toll on my self-esteem, and my age could be working for or against me

Rejections are all part of the process, but it's taken a big toll on my self-esteem and contributed to situational depression. My job was a big part of my identity, and leaving it was a big blow.

I have a lot of worry about what my next role will be, what it will look like, and whether I will even find a role where my skills are a good fit.

An employer could see me on a video call and question if I'm going to leave the company soon to retire, but they could also see my age and think it means I probably won't leave after a couple of years for something better.

They might think I bring wisdom and experience, but they also might see my age as a hindrance. We all look at people and make assumptions, so I absolutely think age is a consideration in the job market.

It's exhausting to think some jobs may have that expectation of having that "rah-rah" energy.

I'm staying engaged in hobbies and focusing on positive self-talk

Thank God I have reading as a way to escape from reality. I'm a voracious reader, and I like legal thrillers and the occasional financial thriller. My wife and I also have an eight-month-old Labrador retriever puppy who's been keeping us outside and on our feet.

It's also been important for me to have conversations with myself each day, reminding myself that I've made it through this before and that I'll make it through again. It's always hardest when you're in the tunnel.

I know what unemployment was like last time. I have no problem admitting that it's been a tremendous stress, so it's important to have a positive way of dealing with it. Because of that, I've decided to see a counselor, just like I did 11 years ago when I was out of work

Counseling helped me navigate unemployment 11 years ago — and it's helping me now

The first time I saw a counselor, I shared successes and frustrations with the job search, the severe toll the depression and anxiety were having on my interest in doing much of anything, and the agonizing guilt that I was somehow letting down my wife by not finding a job quickly enough.

My counselor engaged me in mindfulness, through which I recognized and owned my present emotions, whatever they were. If I were feeling sad, I'd accept it. I also had to own what I could do in the present to address the sadness, like going for a walk or reading my book.

The anxiety and depression returned almost immediately this time around. I had my second Zoom session with a new counselor recently, and I still need time to build trust with her. It takes time to not only build a relationship, but give her time to find her footing as a helper and me to find my footing as a person in need of help.

It's been difficult separating my worth from a job.

Acknowledge how you're feeling and lean on support

If you're job-seeking, lean on your support network, not only for job hunting, but for your mental health. My wife is very supportive, and after 25 years of marriage, we've learned how to support each other and understand each other's idiosyncrasies.

The biggest thing I'd recommend for older job seekers is to acknowledge what you're feeling. There's this taboo, especially for older men, around expressing your feelings.

Be honest, and if you're feeling down, acknowledge it. "I'm feeling down today. What can I do to at least find some light?...