Labor Nurse Reveals 5 Biggest Mistakes Men Make in the Delivery Room

0 Share Newsweek is a Trust Project member See more of our trusted coverage when you search. Prefer Newsweek on Google to see more of our trusted coverage when you search. A nurse has lifted the lid on the biggest mistakes she’s seen men make in the delivery room.

Kim Houk is a labor and delivery nurse based in San Diego. A mother of seven, she has been a nurse for eight years, assisting in hundreds of births during that time and caring for a wide variety of would-be dads, ranging from the attentive to the ineffectual.

“I have a unique opportunity to witness a large number of interactions because the hospital I work at delivers 7,000-8,000 babies annually,” Houk told Newsweek . “There is not an overwhelming majority of ‘red flag dads.’ They are mixed in with the dads who are very attentive and caring.”

Research has underlined the benefits of a woman having a partner by her side during childbirth. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Perinatal Education found that continuous support during labor, including from a partner, was linked to greater maternal satisfaction and a more positive childbirth experience.

Four in five American women also say they want the father of their child in the delivery room when they give birth, according to the results of a YouGov survey in 2016.

However, Houk says she has seen more than her fair share of “icks” when it comes to male attempts at being supportive in the delivery room. For example, she has fielded questions from some expectant dads asking, “How do I hook my Xbox up to the TV?” while in the delivery room. “It is seen quite often,” she said. “Though, to be fair, some labor inductions can take a while, so they are attempting to pass the time.”

Worse than that, Houk has also encountered men intent on answering questions on their partner’s behalf. “I’m asking how she’s doing, if she wants anything for pain, if she is ready for an epidural, what her thoughts are on this or that, and he’s answering,” she said. “This is her body. She is fully capable of answering for herself.”

Houk has also been “shocked” to see a spike in the number of prospective dads showing up “high” to help out in the delivery room. “I definitely see this quite often, especially being in California, where marijuana is legal,” she said.

At the opposite end of the scale, Houk has encountered dads who have spent the entirety of their partner’s labor on the phone in a “loud business meeting.”

“If you’re going to be loud and on the phone while she’s trying to be relaxed and in labor, maybe you can go into the hallway or take it outside,” she said.

Houk’s biggest objections, however, are reserved for those men who “oversexualize everything in the labor and delivery process.”

“You’re giving creepy guy vibes,” she said. “I’m putting gloves on to check her dilation, and you’re talking about a threesome. Or the baby’s breastfeeding and you’re saying it’s your turn next. Not now.”

In her time as a labor and delivery nurse, Houk has also encountered dads who were “eating food the entire time,” were “too afraid to kick all the visitors out of the room,” or were “flirting with the nurse the entire time.”

Instead, she called on dads to support their partner by having “a general idea of their birth plan,” including whether they want an epidural or delayed cord clamping.

“Their job is to support, not control ,” she said. “Men should also be their partners’ advocates. Labor is intense. Help communicate her wishes to nurses or providers when she’s focused or overwhelmed. She feeds off your energy. If you look panicked, she’ll feel it. Be the steady presence in the room.”

Support a pregnant partner’s physical needs. Massage her back, apply counterpressure, charge phones, have snacks ready, and create a peaceful space with dimmed lights and limited visitors. “Don't make it about you! Stop complaining that the food sucks, your bed is uncomfortable, or your back hurts,” she said.

Contact Newsweek editors on this story: Rebecca Flood and Emma Lee-Sang

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