Matthew McConaughey says being ‘less of a dad’ gets his teenagers to open up

Matthew McConaughey says he's found ways to get his teenagers to open up to him. Weiss Eubanks/NBCUniversal

Matthew McConaughey said he's changed how he talks to his kids as they've become teenagers.

He shared a question that got his daughter talking for much longer than usual.

He said he also tries to listen without immediately judging what his teenagers tell him.

Matthew McConaughey says he has learned a few tricks for getting his teenagers to talk.

Speaking on Saturday's episode of " The Drew Barrymore Show ," the actor shared one question that got his teenage daughter talking for much longer than usual.

"'Hey, Vida — my daughter — what's it like being a teenager these days?' Instead of 'Vida, how are you doing?' which is a tough one to answer, right?" McConaughey said.

The second question can feel too personal, but the first question gives his daughter more space to open up by taking some of the focus off her personally, he said.

"Now they're talking in the third person, but they're talking about themselves and their own experience," McConaughey said, adding that it allowed the conversation with his daughter to go on "for a long time."

Getting his teenagers to open up also means being careful about how he reacts to what they share.

"I've had to be almost less of a dad in ways — be less judgmental when they're saying something," McConaughey said.

When his kids tell him something that makes him want to immediately question their choices, he tries to hold back and listen instead.

"Then, they keep sharing that stuff," he said. "And I'd rather know and not judge right now, than not know and wonder what the hell I'm supposed to judge about on some things."

McConaughey said he sees the teenage years as a bridge between being a parent when his kids are young and becoming their friend later in life.

During that transition, he has adopted more of a "big brother" role, sharing his own mistakes to show his kids that he's been through similar struggles.

"That's a little of that pat on the back like, 'Hey man, I know what you're talking about. Let me tell you the story about what I did,'" he said.

McConaughey and his wife, Camila Alves , share three children.

This isn't the first time he has spoken about his parenting style. In a 2020 interview with Town and Country magazine , McConaughey said being a good parent can mean making choices that aren't easy.

"Loving a child is a lot harder if you really give a damn. 'No' takes a lot more energy. It's a lot easier to say 'yes,'" he said.

During an April episode of " Bear Grylls Is Running Wild ," McConaughey also spoke about leading by example as a parent, particularly when it comes to teaching his children how to treat others.

"The best example you can give your kids is how you treat the mother," he said.

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