RESOLVING THE LEDGER
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Little over two years ago, Archie Goodburn's world fell apart.
The Scottish 50m breaststroke record holder was dreaming of the Paris Olympics when he checked his phone at the end of another gruelling pool session.
His training had been hindered a little in recent weeks by some odd issues. Seizures. Numbness on his left side. A feeling of deja-vu.
Test had been done and his scan results were due. So when he dried off and saw a missed call on his phone, he called back. The news that followed was devastating.
Goodburn was told he had brain cancer. He was 22 years old.
Further investigation, including biopsy surgery, revealed three 'low grade' tumours. Inoperable and unable to be removed given how they had spread through his brain.
The reality, he was told, was that he might not see his 40s.
So when Goodburn - now 25 - walked out to perhaps the loudest ovation of the week at Tollcross on Monday to compete in a Commonwealth Games final, a malestrom of emotions must have been coursing though him.
After qualifying on Sunday, tears fell. The magnitude of what had happened, of what he is doing, hit home. But by the time he stepped on the blocks for the final, the competitor had returned.
"Last night, I was so overcome to have achieved that primary goal of making the final. Then over the next 24 hours, you look for more," he told BBC Sport Scotland.
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The attitude is understandable. Goodburn is - astonishingly - is in the best shape of his life in swimming terms. He lowered the national record to 27.12 seconds in February and qualified fifth fastest for this.
New treatments - which he fought hard to be given access to - have slowed the growth of his tumours, and he recently graduated from Edinburgh University with a first in chemical engineering.
Ultimately, he finished joint seventh - "joint last" as he put it - and missed out on the 50m breaststroke medal he craved.
But this race and this week has been about so much more than podiums and plaudits for this remarkable young man from Edinburgh, who continues to fight not only his own brain cancer, but the impact of the disease on others.
"It's pretty indescribable," he told BBC Sport Scotland when asked what the past 24 hours have been like. "Usually the words flow easily, but I'm finding myself quite speechless.
"I was really trying to soak it up, because I didn't feel like I really got much of a chance to do that after the semi. And the experience was everything I dreamed of and more. But the time, unfortunately, wasn't there."
'I'm going to have memories to last lifetime'
These Games - and this summer - have been such a focus for Goodburn amid the darkness of the past two years, and he spoke afterwards about being eager to watch back the race and pore over his data as many athletes would.
He also talked about the support of his family and girlfriend Ciara Schlosshan, who competed for Scotland in the 100m butterfly just five minutes before he did.
But not many swimmers - standing wrapped in a towel, with goggles strapped to their head - would talk so passionately and eruditely about ensuring brain cancer research is properly resourced.
Team-mate Duncan Scott called Goodburn "inspirational" - and no wonder.
"I was thinking today - the goal was to make the final, and the dream was to win a medal," Goodburn said.
"That dream didn't come true, but one of my other dreams is that we see a future where brain cancer isn't the biggest killer of patients under 40.
"I advocate to try and extend my own life, but also for the other young patients and adults going through what I'm going through.
"With everything that's going on with my health, it's been difficult to think 'why am I here? Am I here to advocate as a patient advocate, or am I here to just be a professional athlete?' And it's kind of turned into a bit of both.
"I wonder how I'm going to feel off the back of this. But I know that I'm going to have memories to last a lifetime."
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